A window inside life at Augustana College

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? -Internet

Before I get things started I have huge news! Take a guess at what it is!




That’s right, Bob Mazooka won his game of Jimmy Smits against Captain Ahab last night!


c480x270_67   Another bit of good-news-happy-joy to swallow down into that hungry brain of yours, a little birdy told me the Mcrib is back or made of Kangaroo meat, I confuse the two. Anyways, keep a look out for either one.   Everyone reads things differently and understands language differently, I sometimes wonder how the voice in people’s heads sound when they read. Imagine how different famous books of literature would be received if we knew to read them in a Popeye or Dr. Zoidberg voice. Imagination is a journey best made with a box of crayons and a sweet disposition towards coloring outside the lines.

"Kitty Perry, isn't that funny Gary, listen to me, laugh, don't Ignore me!"-voices in my head

“It’s a cat that sings, Kitty Perry is what they call it GAROLD!”

(For this paragraph read it like you’re confused about your place in the world and you have no idea what the future is going to bring. You’re afraid but confident that you’re making the right decisions and the universe will take care of itself. You decide to embrace the unknown unabashedly realizing that most of what we do is insignificant on a grand scale but gravely important. You confuse your IPhone 6 for a Poptart) Let’s say I’m abducted by aliens. The Greys. These aliens aren’t peace loving, but they love the game of truth or dare so much they’re willing to bet the planet on a game played at teenage girls 13th birthday. One of their questions is regarding my favorite part of writing blogs for the college. One of my questions is why I need such a roundabout way of getting to the point. We both end up laughing, having a pillow fight, and teaching each other how to kiss, because the first kiss should be special. Fingers crossed.


(Read this paragraph in your best Tom Brokaw voice) If I had to pinpoint my favorite aspect of writing blogs for this school it wouldn’t be the creative outlet of expression and general free reign I get to post with, it’s not even the Grey aliens that have figured out how to cross the galaxy in a matter of seconds but can’t figure out to wear a spacesuit on a planet filled with water, which happens to be something that kills them on a farm owned by Mel Gibson. My favorite part about writing doesn’t come from ranting into subject C from A, all the while skipping subject B. The best part about these blogs are the comments I get from spam robots. They often have nothing to do with the article or anything to with . . . anything. Spam robots are the children of internet comedy because they say the darndest things.


(Read this paragraph playing Bongos with the lights dim, while doing your best Quint from Jaws impersonation ) Here lies the body of Mary Lee; died at the age of a hundred and three. For fifteen years she kept her virginity; not a bad record for this vicinity.  Robot go into the water, robot start speaking funny language, people buy the Axe.  The image I have of these robots is composed purely of that soulless amalgamation of what the hell have we-created-looking-man-robot from the Axe commercials. The one with the sweet tweet game, his grasp of the English language is like a flipper with kung fu grip and too much to do around the house. His eyes portray a baited innocence trapped in a thin candy shell, one bite and you’re on the highway to hell. I imagine he pounds the keyboard like a lawyer objecting to a stunning twist of events in the case.   old-spice-mandroid-sexist-hed-2014 Here’s some gems.


“Hi to all, it’s truly a ɡood for me to pay a quick visit tҺіs web site, it сontains սseful Infߋrmation.” Erroneous. Anyone who says they get good information from reading anything I write is trying to sell me a timeshare to help a Nigerian Prince reclaim his throne. I got lost on the way from “a” t0 the rest of the sentence and ended up getting sorted into Hufflepuff.

Author dog food recall blue buffalo –


“When some one searches for his required thing, therefore he/she needs to be available that in detail, thus that thing is maintained over here

Dear Author dog food recall blue buffalo-

Your stage name needs work, I suggest the Wu Tang Name Generator or Ask Jeeves

This one was in response to ¿nación de phi rho?

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This blog has been brought to you by Napa, the auto parts store.


2 Responses to “Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? -Internet”

  1. 42Reasons You Cannot Lick Your Elbow?

  2. Oh Douglas, 42 reasons requires Deep Thought, oh which I am deprived.
    1. You’re not a fairy.
    2. No flying in the house.

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