A window inside life at Augustana College

Someone Might Read This

I imagine Augustana student Dan Murray reading this in his bathrobe. He’s got a fresh cup of hot cocoa with some marshmallows melting upon it and some sprinkles of peppermint to give it that perfect hint of Winter coziness.

He’s clean shaven at the moment, but he’s considering not shaving to appear more mature to all the ladies at Augustana. The ladies at Augustana that might talk about him to the higher ups at Hot Guy Magazine. Were both not sure if it exists, but men can’t be certain that it doesn’t.

He’s spent hours on Facebook not really soaking up anything, but he’s contemplating what he’s going to do today. He remembers he enjoys a good giggle every once and again, so he decides to check out this blog before he heads off on the adventure of his day.

The blog reads.

1. 184 lb Augustana Wrestler Thomas Reyhons leads dual life as National Qualifying stud muffin and actor Clive Owen. He’s a chocolate chip stud muffin, with all the multivitamins one needs for daily nourishment.


2. Billy Mays sold me a genie in a bottle post mortem. I feel cheated but at the same time immensely impressed at the salesmanship of the bearded purveyor of good I believe I need, but ultimately don’t because food, shelter, and human companionship are all I truly need. With the genie in a bottle, I wished for three wishes. The genie said that comes standard. I argued with my genie for about an hour, 34 minutes of which were spent arguing about whether I can wish for even more wishes than three. I settled on three wishes and a burrito from Illegal Pete’s. If you don’t know about that kind of burrito I suggest you hop in a ride with me on my way to Colorado this summer in my lovely green truck that I’ve yet to name but love dearly. Their burritos might change the way you view Mexican food and the social hierarchy of America. With the first wish I asked to become a better writer. I’m still terrible so I guess wishing didn’t work. My second wish was for world peace, I then began laughing hysterically and said just kidding. I got a second wish back and used it to get the cast of St. Elmo’s Fire to do a combination theatre piece combining Erin Brokovich with Hamlet. I might be the only mind that can fathom how great it was. I wrote a review of it on Rotten Tomatoes.com that simply stated,

“I was riveted by the acting of Rob Lowe, my mom met him once. My mom is the most beautiful woman in the world. I know because my dad told me that more than I could count as a kid”.

My third wish was spent on finding out what happens at the end of this wonderful season of True Detective. I can’t tell.

3. There are a lot of movies used as references in this blog. Google them, then watch them you troglodyte.

Q. I am using a letter here. I don’t have to follow my own rules. If you truly want to break free from the establishment proudly say, “get shelved like a lost toy me”.

Shelved is a new “thing” I’m trying. I’ll work it into sentences when I feel like it or don’t feel like it depending on how controlling I am of myself.


So, Dan Murray  decides to get on with his day. He texts Gary Miller, “Hey I hope your Sunday is fantastic”

It sure is Dan!



One Response to “Someone Might Read This”

  1. Everyone knows you can’t use one of your wishes to get more wishes! I’m surprised you’d try that. Why the heck didn’t you wish for better weather!?

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