A window inside life at Augustana College

10 True Things To Tell Recruits When They Visit Augustana

10. Spiders with knowledge of my credit score exist.

If I’ve learned anything from watching television it’s that credit scores are supposed to be feared or something.

9.  Kyle Frake has the 8th Harry Potter book signed by J.K. Rowling.

Harry Potter and the  Nagging Red-head Weasley and his Two Squib Kids

8. The Augustana Wrestling team has been working on a Ballet,

“Karate Snow Vikings: On Ice: The Musical Hyphen, For Audiences”. 

Jake Scholten plays the Tree from Pocahontas if that tree was just a normal tree.

7. Barry Manilow has a message for me on “Mandy” when played backwards.

6. There is a secret Fight Club at Augie, where you talk about fight club.

5. The Olin Stairs make you feel like eating a jelly doughnut wrapped in bacon. To wash it down, a glass of gravy will do the trick.

4. Seminary has ghosts, they all look a lot like Kathy Griffin. Well there is only one. It’s actually Louie Anderson. It’s not really a ghost, he just hates being called John Goodman.

3. There is an Augustana student who breathes extremely loud in the library only when girls complain about it on twitter. That’s the only time he comes out of his natural habitat.

2. Mike McLean has the Eye of the Tiger.

1. Matt Burns became an All American.

I think he earned himself a Doritos Locos Taco


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